P.S. I Love Me: Day 3

3. A note to your past self.

Dear Past Self–

Thank you for all that you have taught me, all the lessons you have handed to me. Looking back on all the things you thought about and went through –especially during the high school years– I realize now that you were obsessed with this ideal of being presentable. You weren’t necessarily caught up in whether or not you were liked by everyone. You knew  that would not always be the case, and that was okay, but in the end, you built walls. You forced your hand at filtering yourself so much that you could be seen as nice and responsible by everyone. You didn’t do anything too ‘weird’ or silly, and by extension, you didn’t have enough fun. You didn’t live life hard enough, and now I am working on breaking down the walls that you have created. Be it for personal reasons or political ones, walls are never the answer.

I wish you had learned to take life less seriously. Perhaps then you would not have bothered to get tangled in this crazy web of nonsense that you thought would render you irresponsible in some way if you had a little fun. All the happy memories that you have, all the fun moments you look back on– I wish you had just lived in them a little longer.

My present self is aware of these walls, and I’m still trying to pull them down, but regardless, I thank you, because now I know to live just a little bit louder and be wild in my own ways. Now, I know better.

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